Advance Snores: Retard Rising
by the-banana-variety
Summary: First Fic! A very funny story involving idiocy, two new chaos wreacking characters and crappy coffee. Sorry for making you wait this long and dropping this crap on you!
1. Chapter 1

____~~~~*Advance Snores*~~~~____  
Retard Rising  
  
Note by authors: Yes that is authors in plural! There are too dastardly scheming minds who write this Cray-Z like pineapple story...  
  
Andy: What's plural?  
  
Author 1: Shut up and go away  
  
Author 2: and don't come back until you know what a continent is  
  
Andy: Hmm....Okay. (Runs off yelling "WHERE IS THE DICTIONARY?")  
  
Author 1&2: O_o o_O  
  
Note: Um yes... anyways as we were saying we both kinda sorta pitched in to make this retarded Advance Wars thing. Anyways first we need to tell you that we are using all the characters from AW2There are also two new characters (Guess who!) in the story. Now, its time to see ADVANCE SNORES: RETARD RISING!!!  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
We first begin at the Orange Star HQ were Andy is desperately looking for the definition of a continent and Sami is out back doing a little gardening...  
  
Max: Um Andy, do you know where Sami is?  
  
Andy: huh.*mumble mumble*  
  
Max: Andy, do you know where Sami is  
  
Andy: wuzzu wa? (Still concentrating on dictionary)  
  
Max: (puts Andy in head lock and yells) DO YOU KNOW WHERE SAMI IS?!?!?!?  
  
Andy: Hey! let go! you stink...  
  
Max: (tightens hold) where is she?!?!  
  
Andy: okay, okay she's out back doing some gardening sheesh  
  
Max: (lets go so quickly that andy falls to the floor) AHAHAHA are you joking? HA! i've gotta see this.  
  
Andy: and put some deodeurant on while you're at it  
  
Max runs out back only to see Sami shooting at her flowers with her machine gun  
  
Sami: DIE! DIE! DIEEEEEEEEEEEEE! YOU STUPID BUG DIE!  
  
Max: Um Sami what are you doing?  
  
Sami: I spent all day making my flower garden look nice and this stupid bug comes along and disturbs my tulips  
  
Max: That's a ladybug Sami. It's good for the flowers.  
  
Sami: SORRY I CAN"T HEAR YOU OVER MY GUN-FIRE! WHAT WAS THAT?  
  
Max: I said...  
  
Sami: Got it. Yeah what was that you were saying...  
  
An Orange Star tank rolls out and onto Sami's Garden. Andy pops out as Sami's face bubbles with anger at her destroyed garden  
  
Andy: Hey guess what guys? I found the definition of a continent! isn't that cool?  
  
Max: (seeing the rage in Sami's face) I think...I left..a...um...cheeseburger...yeah that's it! A cheeseburger at um... Eagle's place yeah!  
  
Max races off to a Transport copter and flys off to green earth  
  
Sami: (trying to restrain herself) no...and...do...you...know...the definition...of....  
  
Andy: Got my handy dandy Andy dictionary right here  
  
Sami: ..of.....MURDER!!!!!!!!!!! (lifts up gun and starts firing at Andy with a hysterical crazy (like pineapple) look on her face)  
  
Andy: Ow! Ouch! What is wrong with you? (ducks down into tank and pulls out wrench and whips it at Sami's head)  
  
The fight continues as Nell walks out  
  
Nell: Stop it you two! And come on in I've got some people you might like two meet. **********  
  
Meanwhile, at Blue Moon Grit has decided to open up a spicy taco stand and is selling then for insanely high prices as Olaf fights with Colin in the town square.  
  
Grit: Get your tacos! Spicy, tasty tacos!  
  
Colin: (fighting with Olaf) You're such a meanie  
  
Olaf: and you are a whiney insubordinate!  
  
Colin: Yeah well.well.you are just plain dumb!  
  
Olaf: I've had enough of this! Its time i teach you a lesson! Feel the power of  
~*BLIZZARD*~  
  
CO power music starts playing as a single snowflake falls on Colin's head.  
  
Olaf: Man, I hate summer.  
  
Fight continues as Sensei walks up to Grit's taco stand  
  
Grit: Would you like to buy a taco from me Mr. Ruler of Funky CO music?  
  
Sensei: um sure how much?  
  
Grit: well for you I've got a special price, 7$ each!  
  
Sensei: 7$?!?!? That's a rip off!  
  
Grit: but its sooooooo juicy and flavorful 7$ is a bargain of a lifetime.  
  
Sensei: Fine sure whatever..  
  
Grit: So, what brings you down to Blue Moon?  
  
Sensei: I was bored so I decided to go parachuting, I guess I ended up here  
  
Grit: Oh. Well here's your fake plastic toy from the play kitchen section of the toy store. I mean here's your delicious tasty freshly made taco. Enjoy!  
  
Sensei: Thanks (walks away and watches Olaf and Colin's fight)  
  
Colin: Yeah? Well you.  
  
Olaf: Me what? A meanie? Boohoo I was called a big ol' mea.  
  
Light rain cloud appears in sky and a single rain drop is headed for Olaf  
  
Olaf: (looking up) OH NO!! IT'S RAIN AHHHHHH everyone do funky matrixy moves that defy all gravity to dodge that rain drop Olaf starts moving at bullet-time speed and starts walking on walls and doing funky dodges in the town square as Colin watches the rain drop hit the ground  
  
Olaf: HA! I beat the stupid raindrop! NANANABOOBOO! In your face raindrop!  
  
Now this continues for a loooooooooooooooooong time, So lets check on Yellow Comet HQ!  
  
Kanbei: Where on earth is Sensei?!  
  
Sonja: Actually he is on the moon.  
  
Kanbei: WHAT?!?!?  
  
Sonja: oops, sorry about that. He's at blue moon.  
  
Kanbei: oh.but what is he doing there?  
  
Sonja: I think he..  
  
Kanbei: he was captured? By blue moon? That's atrocious!  
  
Sonja: no wait-  
  
Kanbei: and they are asking for a ransom?!?!  
  
Sonja: no that's not what I said.  
  
Kanbei: This is horrible! I never liked that Olaf and especially not that wussy Colin! Though Grit does sell good tacos.  
  
Sonja: But-  
  
Kanbei: Who gave you permission to speak? Prepare lots of landers with my favorite!  
  
Sonja: (sighs) Yes I know. Tanks, Medium tanks, Neo-tanks and more tanks  
  
Kanbei: Very good, now lets get ready to teach those blue moons what Yellow Comet can do!  
  
Sonja: Noooooooooooooo I don't want to conquer more!  
  
Kanbei: Boohoo! Let's go!  
  
Now, while Yellow Comet prepares to attack Blue Moon, let's check out what's happening at Green Earth.  
  
Eagle: NO! I want my mommy! Wahhhhhhhnnnnnnnnnnnnnhhhh  
  
Drake: Oh please give me a break  
  
Eagle: NO! I won't and you can't make me!  
  
Jess: This is a kiddie pool made for little infants! So stop your whining and get in!  
  
Eagle: (Is holding onto a pole with his hands while Jess and Drake are trying to pull him away by his feet) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH don't let them take meeeee!  
  
Max: Um hey guys. Wuzzzap! ( doing the thing with the tongue)  
  
Jess and Drake both drop Eagle  
  
Jess: Ok first, that is so 1990's! (valley girl style)  
  
Drake: Hey what are you doing here anyways?  
  
Max: oh I wanted to escape a nuclear explosion  
  
Eagle: (Standing up) Really?  
  
Max: No. I was just escaping from Sami and Andy who were about to get into a big fight.  
  
Eagle: Well that has the destruction equivalent of a Nuclear explosion.  
  
Max: So what do you guys wanna do?  
  
Drake: TWISTER!!!  
  
Jess & Eagle: oh no--  
  
Max: What's wrong with that?  
  
Jess: ever since Drake discovered what it was he's had an annoying obsession about it ever since  
  
Eagle: But on the bright side of that I don't need to see my Chiropractor any more  
  
Max: Oh. I see.  
  
Jess: Let's DRAW PICTURES!!!!  
  
Max: With that oversized pencil you carry around with you all the time??  
  
Jess: HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU IT'S NOT A PENCIL!!!! IT'S A TANK SHELL!  
  
Eagle: I know lets sit down on the street and try to get hit by a car!!!  
  
Everyone else: Sure!  
  
Ok now while they try to kill themselves let's see how black hole is doing, I wonder what they are scheming up right now..  
  
Hawke: Where's my coffee?!  
  
BH Soldier: Right here sir!  
  
Hawke: Good *takes a sip, spits it out* THIS COFFEE SUCKS!!!  
  
BH Soldier: Sorry sir, it said right on the package it came straight from Columbia!  
  
Hawke: What's Columbia?  
  
BH Soldier: I don't know sir but they are supposed to have good coffee.  
  
Hawke: WELL THEY DON'T!!  
  
BH Soldier: What do you want me to do?  
  
Hawke: Rally the soldiers! We're gonna find out what Columbia is and blow it up because they have crappy coffee!  
  
BH Soldier: Yes, sir!  
  
Sturm walks in  
  
Sturm: Hawke, what are you doing?  
  
Hawke: Planning to kill y--I mean, go on a conquest for Black Hole. Yeah, that's good.  
  
Sturm: That's fine, but try to be back in a week, we'll have visitors! Hee hee! *skips off*  
  
Hawke: How the hell did he become the Black Hole dictator? Oh well, at least I'll kill him soon.  
  
Flak: What were you saying?  
  
Hawke: What did you hear?  
  
Flak: I don't know, what you just said was too confusing.  
  
Hawke: Idiot.  
  
BH Soldier: We're ready to move out!  
  
Flak: Where are you going?  
  
Hawke: To find Columbia and blow it up.  
  
Flak: Can I come?  
  
Hawke: Why?  
  
Flak: Because Sturm is scaring me, Adder is too ugly.  
  
Adder: Shut up!  
  
Flak: and Lash will make me play with her and her toys like dolls and stuff!  
  
Hawke: What's wrong with that? That's not TOO bad.  
  
Flak: But all her toys and dolls heads always seem to blow up!  
  
Hawke: Hmm. all right but you only get to smash the coffee factories.  
  
Flak: I thought you liked coffee.  
  
Hawke: This kind sucks.  
  
Flak: Okay.  
  
Flak and Hawke climb into a T-Copter and fly off with a huge army.  
  
Adder: Good, with Hawke gone I'm fist in command!  
  
Sturm: Forgetting someone?  
  
Adder: Oh yeah, Hawke hasn't killed you yet!  
  
Sturm: What?  
  
Adder: Nothing.  
  
Sturm: No really, I want to know. I feel so left out if you don't tell me these things.  
  
Adder: Really I had no idea. I'm so sorry.  
  
Sturm: Really?  
  
Adder: No.  
  
Sturm: WAA!! I WANT MY MOMMY!!  
  
Adder: You have a mommy?  
  
Sturm: Well, where the hell do you think I came from?  
  
Adder: I dunno. And what's hell?  
  
Sturm: Don't ask me.  
  
Adder: Please!  
  
Sturm: No.  
  
Adder: Now I feel left out!  
  
Lash: I'll help cheer you up!  
  
Adder + Sturm: NOT A GAME!  
  
Lash: Okay, let's play a game!  
  
Adder + Sturm: NOOO!!  
  
Lash: Let's play Hot Potato only a little differently.  
  
Adder + Sturm: What's that?  
  
Lash: It's stuffed with a bomb!  
  
Adder + Sturm: RUN!!  
  
Adder and Sturm both run away  
  
Lash: Aww. now I've got no one to play with. Now I feel left out.  
  
Hawke and Flak are on a cruiser bridge  
  
Flak: Interesting. it appears as if a hole in the very fabric of the time- space continuum. I have deduced this from the fact that not only have we mysteriously switched from traveling in a transport copter right to a cruiser without any explanation whatsoever. Moreover, the scenes have instantly switched from Lash whining about loneliness to us on this bridge and me ruminating on whether this has truly occurred and whether this should be rectified.  
  
Hawke: Flak, you're supposed to be and idiot who likes smashing things, not a philosopher.  
  
Flak: I'm hungry. I'm gonna rip the door off the fridge to get some food.  
  
Hawke: There's a handle.  
  
Flak: That's too confusing.  
  
Hawke: The food will spoil.  
  
Flak: So?  
  
Hawke: That's bad.  
  
Flak: So?  
  
Hawke: Just open it or I'll stick celery in your face.  
  
Flak: NO! NOT THE CELERY! ANYTHING BUT THAT! I'LL OPEN THE DOOR USING THE HANDLE! JUST DON'T STICK THE CELERY IN MY FACE!  
  
Hawke: Good.  
  
Flak: Hmm. pork chops, chicken wings, sausages. there, that should do it.  
  
Hawke: Y'know, that's not too healthy to eat all that meat. You could get a heart attack.  
  
Flak: Who made you my doc-- *clutches heart* URK!  
  
Hawke: See?  
  
Flak: OW OW OW OW OW, MY HEART HURTS!  
  
Hawke: You'll get over it.  
  
Flak: There that's better.  
  
Hawke: Good 'cause we're about to land  
  
Flak sees that they are in a T-Copter again and is about to say something  
  
Hawke: Shut up.  
  
Flak: Okay. Do you even know were Columbia is?  
  
Hawke: No, we're gonna nuke places at random until we find it.  
  
Flak: Then can I smash the coffee factories?  
  
Hawke: Sure.  
  
Author 1: Whaddya know, were all out of time!  
  
Author 2: When did you start speaking like that?  
  
Author 1: I dunno, thought it would be nice.  
  
Author 2: Oh well, join us again next time for ADVANCE WARS: RETARD RISING  
  
Author 1: Dum, dum, dum! 


	2. The Search for Columbia

~~~~*Advance Snores: RETARD RISING*~~~~  
  
Chapter 2: The Search for Columbia  
  
Last time on Advance Snores; Hawke was on a vendetta with Flak against Columbia and their crappy coffee. Nell was about to introduce two new characters into the mix of pure insanity. Grit was selling fake "tacos"..  
  
Grit: HEY! No way! My tacos are made with 100% Pure lean plastic--no wait I mean beef!  
  
Authors: Suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuure they are * wink, wink, nudge, nudge*  
  
Anyways, Grit was selling tacos, while Sensei watched Colin and Olaf's fight. At Yellow Comet, Kanbei thought blue moon had kidnapped Sensei and were demanding for a ransom, when in reality, Sensei just went parachuting and landed in blue moon. And at green earth, Max, Eagle, Drake and Jess were sitting in the middle of the road trying to get hit by a car. So let's check on Hawke and Flak right now!  
  
Meanwhile, on a shoal somewhere--  
  
Hawke: I love the smell of neotank in the mornin'  
  
Flak: Wha.?  
  
Hawke: Well, our troops just landed in this place  
  
Flak: Yeah, so?  
  
Hawke: And there were neotanks in our troops, right?  
  
Flak: Yeah, and?  
  
Hawke: And we're standing beside the neotanks, right?  
  
Flak: Yeah, and?  
  
Hawke: And I'll stick a carrot in your face if you don't shut up!  
  
Flak: ALL RIGHT! JUST DON'T USE THE CARROT!  
  
Hawke: Where are we?  
  
Flak: Why don't you ask the man in a sombrero over there?  
  
Hawke: What's a sombrero?  
  
Flak: I dunno.  
  
Hawke & Flak go over to the man in a sombrero  
  
Hawke: Where are we?  
  
Man in sombrero: You're in Mexico!  
  
Hawke: Is Columbia here?  
  
Man in sombrero: No, this is Mexico. Columbia is south of here  
  
Hawke: Do you have coffee here?  
  
Man in sombrero: No  
  
Hawke: What do you have, then?  
  
Man in sombrero: We have tacos and burritos and tequila  
  
Flak: *looks at tequila bottle* what's tequila?  
  
Man in sombrero: It's an alcohol made from crushed cacti  
  
Hawke: So it's sort of like a vegetable?  
  
Man in sombrero: Yes, in a way it is vegetable juice  
  
Flak: *spits out tequila that he drank* AHHH!!! VEGETABLE JUICE!!!!  
  
Hawke: He doesn't like vegetables  
  
Flak: MUST. DESTROY. EVERYTHING. IN. SIGHT!!!!!  
  
Hawke: *ducks under shelter* oh, crap  
  
Flak goes on a rampage destroying everything except the explosives Hawke has with him  
  
Hawke: I wonder if he'll find the Flak pacifiers?  
  
Flak: PORK CHOPS! YAY!  
  
Hawke: Yup. Guess I better see what he's done.*crawls out from under rock* HOLY $#!^  
  
Flak: What?  
  
Hawke: YOU JUST DESTROYED OUR ENTIRE ATTACK FORCE! THAT'S WHAT!  
  
Flak: I'm sorry--  
  
Hawke: Really?  
  
Flak: No. But I did ruin all of Mexico!  
  
Hawke: Oh well, you can't win them all  
  
Flak: Wha..  
  
Hawke: Nothing  
  
Flak and Hawke walk south and find themselves in a giant amusement park  
  
Hawke: Wha..!  
  
Flak: *looking at sign* Says here we were in Mexico Land of the Culture Section of of an amusement park! It's a Small Earth! After all, the amusement park in Green Earth!  
  
Hawke: Crap.  
  
Flak: Hey! It says that Columbia Land is just down here!  
  
Hawke: Really? Let's go!  
  
Flak and Hawke blow up Columbia Land and spend a Loooooooooooooooong time at the other rides there.  
  
Hawke: That was fun but how are we going to get home now? *spots a ride called Hurricane made by Lash Corp. Toys (a little destruction makes for a lot of fun!)* Let's use that  
  
Flak and Hawke climb in and notice a button called launch. They wait until they're aimed at Black Hole and they push it. BLAM!!!!!! They are shot to black hole  
  
I think it is time to go over to Orange Star and see who these new mystery characters are!  
  
Nell: Andy and Sami, I would like you to meet..  
  
Two people: *cutting off nell* hello  
  
Andy: Hey.. wait a minute! I know who you two are..  
  
Mystery person 1: I thought you said he had a bad short term memory.  
  
Mystery person 2: I did.  
  
MP1:Well maybe he's not as stupid as he looks  
  
Andy: --You are the two people who served me my first double cheeseburger when I was a seven year old!  
  
MP1: Never mind  
  
Nell: actually these are the two writers who decided to be in this story!  
  
Andy: Cool!  
  
Sami: NOT COOL!  
  
MP1: We need to think up names for ourselves  
  
Sami: Why don't you use your regular names?  
  
MP2: because people want us!  
  
Andy: *Eyes widen* Really?????  
  
MP1: No  
  
Andy: *Eyes widen even more* Really?????  
  
MP2: Yes  
  
Andy: *Eyes widen to the size of a dinner plate* Really?????  
  
MP1&2: SHUT UP!  
  
Andy: Well you don't have to be so forceful about it  
  
MP1: Well I've decided! My name is Tom  
  
MP2: and I think I'm going to be Mike  
  
Sami: well maybe you should tell us about yourselves as COs.  
  
Mike: my units are above average attack and a little stronger defensively, I have no CO power, but I have an amazing super CO power called Supernova! It does 4 damage to all enemies, increases my attack and defense, all my movement range is increased by 2 and opponent's is decreased by 1, and my movement cost is reduced to 1!  
  
Tom: My troops are amazingly strong and do not cost extra to deploy. My CO power makes my troops stronger and the other guys weaker for a full turn cycle. My Super CO power let's me control every infantry and mech unit of the other team for one turn and has the same effects as my normal CO power.  
  
Sami: Cool  
  
Tom: I my self have amazing mind manipulation skills  
  
Andy: No you don't!  
  
Tom: Yes I do.  
  
Andy: Yes oh high and mighty Cool guy who rules.  
  
Sami and Nell: //(O_o)\\ //(o_O)\\  
  
Mike: We get that a lot  
  
Sami: I just realized that since you two are the writers, wouldn't that completely bias almost everything that has to do with you two?  
  
Tom: No  
  
Sami: Yes, Sir  
  
Tom: this is FUN!  
  
Nell: Well is there any weakness you may have at all?  
  
Tom: Um yeah right behind my kneecap I am really ticklish..  
  
Nell: No that's not what I meant  
  
Tom: Sorry. Actually yeah.. But I will need that for comic relief later on in the story  
  
Mike: Isn't the whole story more or less comic relief?  
  
Tom: but sometimes we need comic relief from all the comedy  
  
Mike: I suppose  
  
Andy: Okay! I wanna be funny! Let me think of something..*Strains brain* uhhhhhhhhhhhh...  
  
Sami: Don't strain your brain!  
  
Andy: Okay  
  
Long period of silence  
  
Mike: maybe since we have been introduced we should write about Blue moon  
  
Another long period of silence  
  
Tom: sure  
  
And now let's go to blue moon, were little do they know that the Yellow Comet army is coming in quickly  
  
Grit:* closing taco stall* Well, guess what guys?  
  
Colin and Olaf: What? Grit: I made 10,000$ today!  
  
Olaf: That's impressive.. But no where near as impressive as me BEATING THE RAINDROP!!!!!!  
  
Colin, Grit and Sensei: SHUT UP!  
  
Olaf: WHY DON"T YOU TR-  
  
There is a large explosion and the building behind them crumbles  
  
Olaf: What was that?!?!?!  
  
Grit: I guess that guy ate too many tacos.  
  
Grit, Olaf, Colin and Sensei then all spot the cause of this explosion..A Yellow Comet Medium tank!  
  
Olaf: What is going on?!?!?!?!  
  
Sensei: HEY! That's my tank!  
  
Colin: TERRORISTS HI-JACKED YOUR TANK!!!!!!!!!  
  
Sensei: Um.. I don't think so..* points at entire army of Yellow Comet troops*  
  
Colin: Man, I didn't even know there were those many Terrorists in existence..  
  
Olaf: QUICK! INTO THE HQ!!!!  
  
Olaf, Colin, and Grit run into the HQ as they drag Sensei along  
  
Kanbei pops out of a tank with a megaphone  
  
Kanbei: YOU ARE SURROUNDED!!! WE HAVE DESTROYED YOUR ARMY, CITIES, BASES, AIRPORTS, SEAPORTS, FACTORIES, COUNTRY SIDES, FARMS, PLASTIC TACO SUPPLIERS AND MOST OF THIS CITY!!!! WE WILL NOT PAY THE RANSOM!!! SO LET SENSEI GO FREE, AND WE MAY NOT KILL YOU! ONLY INJURE YOU!  
  
Colin: Hey! That's no terrorist!  
  
Grit: What is he talking about? We don't have a ransom for Sensei.  
  
Sensei: Hell, even if you guys tried to capture me I would still kick all your butts.  
  
Blue Moon COs: HEY!  
  
Sensei: I guess I better go before I get you guys into anymore trouble  
  
Olaf: ANYMORE TROUBLE?!?!?!?! HE COMPLETELY DESTROYED BLUE MOON!!! WE CAN'T GET IN THAT MUCH MORE TROUBLE  
  
Grit: Um as soon as you said anymore, he was gone  
  
Olaf: I DON'T CARE!!!!!  
  
Olaf has a nasty temper tantrum and ends up in a corner crying  
  
Colin: Okaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay...  
  
Outside Sensei meets up with Sonja and Kanbei  
  
Sensei: Hey! What's up?  
  
Kanbei: *panicky* Did they hurt you?!  
  
Sensei: No, actually we were just talking  
  
Kanbei:*still panicky* They were emotionally abusing you?!  
  
Sensei: NO!  
  
Kanbei: Oh. Then why the heck are you here?  
  
Sensei: I'm here on my own free will!  
  
Sonja: See I tol...  
  
Kanbei: I knew it! *turning to Sonja* why did you say they captured him and why did you force me to come along on this pointless massacre?  
  
Sonja: But-  
  
Kanbei: No buts. That's ten minutes in the timeout tank!  
  
Sonja: aaaaaaaawnnnnnnnn  
  
Kanbei: Get in there quick before I make it twenty minutes!  
  
Sonja walks over to tank that has a large neon sign attached to it that says don't be naughty like this little girl! and climbs in Kanbei: that should teach her!  
  
Sensei: I wouldn't count on that..  
  
Kanbei: do YOU want to spend time in the timeout tank?  
  
Sensei: No  
  
Kanbei: Good  
  
Sensei: Yes  
  
Kanbei: I know  
  
Sensei: no you don't  
  
Kanbei: Yes I do  
  
Sensei: No  
  
Kanbei: Yes  
  
Sensei: No  
  
Kanbei: No  
  
Sensei: Yes  
  
Kanbei: HA I FOOLED YOU TO AGREEING TO ME! YOU SAID YES!  
  
Sensei: So? You agreed with me first when you said "no" to trick me  
  
Kanbei: That's it! Timeout tank time for Sensei  
  
Kanbei picks up Sensei and stuffs him in the timeout tank and closes the lid-thingy  
  
Okay..now while Sensei and Sonja spend their timeout in that ridiculous looking tank.  
  
Kanbei: Hey! Do you want to spend some time in there too?  
  
No. anyways while they spend there time in the timeout tank let's see how Green Earth is doing on their suicide attempt..  
  
Car drives by Max, Eagle, Drake and Jess honking its horn  
  
Max: *shaking his fist* Yeah, same to you buddy!  
  
Eagle: This is boring. The closest thing to getting hit was when Drake got clipped by a paper boy on his bike!  
  
Drake: Let's play..  
  
Eagle and Jess: NO!  
  
Drake: TWISTER!  
  
Max: Sure, what's wrong with that?  
  
Eagle and Jess: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Drake gets out Twister mat and starts playing  
  
Drake: Max, put your right arm on a yellow dot  
  
Max: Muscles.. too big.. can't reach.. yellow dot.. getting weaker.. falling..  
  
Eagle and Jess (who are under Max): NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Max falls and squishes them  
  
Max: *getting up* I know the perfect game! Let's play..  
  
Eagle: X_X anything that doesn't involve Twister or you falling on top of us..  
  
Max: TOSS THE H-BOMB!  
  
Everyone else: YEAH, THAT'S A GREAT GAME!  
  
Everybody: WHEE! WHEE! WHEE! *Drake drops the bomb* NOOOOOOOOO!  
  
The bomb blew up and destroyed everyone  
  
Tom: O_o What the hell kind of ending was that?  
  
Mike: I don't know, but be sure to see the next Advance Snores: Retard Rising for the answers to these questions and more!  
  
Tom: What questions?  
  
Mike: Oh yeah! Did Max, Eagle, Drake and Jess really get nuked? Will Kanbei ever get a better looking timeout tank? Can Blue moon repair it's destroyed country? Is everything really biased to us? And did I just write that ending because I was bored? Tune in next time to ADVANCE SNORES: RETARD RISING!  
  
Tom: I don't like that ending. Everyone does it like that.  
  
Mike: Boo-hoo! Too bad!  
  
Tom: Shut up. 


	3. The Unknown Chapter chap3

ADVANCE SNORES: RETARD RISING  
  
Mike: Last time on Advance Sno--  
  
Lawyer: HOLD IT! This production is on hold pending a court session on the blatant copyright infringement on Brian Kendall's The Demented Cartoon Movie  
  
Andy: *muttering* I know I can find all those words in my dictionary.  
  
Tom: Aww, crap!  
  
Lawyer: No Awws, this is a court order and now it's time to appear in court!  
  
Mike: No it's not! *takes out paper and pencil*  
  
Lawyer: What's that?  
  
Tom: Our story  
  
Lawyer: Well you can just put that away because *looks down and sees that he's slowly disappearing* HEY!  
  
Mike: Still want that court action?  
  
Lawyer: YES NOW STOP ERASING ME FROM YOU STORY, IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE ON HOLD UNTIL THE COURT HEARING!!!  
  
Tom: Too bad. *Lawyer disappears entirely*  
  
Mike: Now on with the story!  
  
Andy: I found out what all those words mean!  
  
Tom: Bye bye! *Andy disappears too*  
  
Mike: NOW on with the story! Last time Hawke and Flak blew up Mexico Land and Columbia Land in that theme park, the Orange Star COs met me and El Stinkcheese over there.  
  
Tom: Shut up!  
  
Mike: Okay, Blue Moon got destroyed by Yellow Comet, Sonja and Sensei had to sit in the time-out tank and nothing happened in Green Earth!  
  
Max: *in a ghostly voice* Didn't we get nuked?  
  
Tom: No because if you did then this story would be screwed up from here until it's over  
  
Max *in normal voice* Oh, okay *walks out of nowhere followed by the Green Earth COs*  
  
At Orange Star HQ, Tom and Mike discuss their plans  
  
Andy: so you guys are COs  
  
Mike: actually no  
  
Andy: really? *eyes widen*  
  
Tom: No! *laughs at Andy and his now very pitiful self-esteem from Tom and Mike's constant abuse*  
  
Andy slumps away sobbily  
  
Nell: so what faction are you guys from or planning to form  
  
Tom: I dunno maybe we shou-  
  
Andy: SHOULD BE PURPLE FUNGUS!!!!!!!!!  
  
Tom & Mike: NO!  
  
Mike: but it might be good for comedy  
  
Tom: true true  
  
Nell: But you can't do that! Your faction has to be space-like! Like Comets and Earths and Stars and Moons and-  
  
Tom: No it doesn't  
  
Nell: Yes sir  
  
Mike: besides we would never use that as a name anyways  
  
Tom: It's so stupid! Not to mention it came from Andy  
  
Andy: *teary eyes* YOUR SOOOOOOO MEAN *runs off*  
  
Tom: It would be cool like Red something  
  
Mike: For you maybe..me it would be.. I dunno..  
  
Tom: Mike, I think we should get going. . .  
  
Mike: yeah . . .  
  
Sami: where are you guys going?  
  
Mike: we have another visit to make  
  
Tom: Yeah. . .  
  
Tom & Mike: BYE!!! *teleport away*  
  
Sami: Too late Andy, their gone  
  
Andy: *holding raised cheese block, as if he is about to strike* Awww I wanted to get them back!  
  
*distant voices*: WE HEARD THAT!!!  
  
Andy grows a pig nose  
  
Andy: Aww  
  
Now we go to Blue moon where Grit, Olaf and Colin stand in the destroyed town square.  
  
Olaf: Man they smashed us up good!  
  
Grit: Yeah, but I guess we can still be productive about it!  
  
Colin: *Straightens up* How?  
  
Grit: By selling TACOS!  
  
Olaf: WILL YOU SHUT UP!  
  
Grit: hey, hey, cool it old man  
  
Olaf: WHO ARE YOU CALL-  
  
A LOUD *SMACK* is heard, and Grit and Olaf turn around to see what has happened  
  
Grit: Holy crap! Colin was hit by a car!  
  
Olaf: AHAHA...oh wait! OH NO  
  
Grit rushes over to Colin  
  
Colin: Oh..my. . .ribs...  
  
Tom: *appears* Cause I am the writer and I hate you! *disappears*  
  
Colin: oh...  
  
Grit rushes Colin to the hospital  
  
Doctor: I think he'll be okay..  
  
Grit: Good  
  
Olaf walks into hospital room  
  
Olaf: AHAHAHAHA! You were hit by a caaaaaar! You were hit by a caaaaaaaaaaaar! HAHA  
  
Grit punches olaf in the gut  
  
Olaf: Oaf! Internal...bleeding *is rushed of to a different hospital  
  
Grit: Why did they take him to a different hospital?  
  
Doctor: Because the hospital only has one room. The rest was destroyed by Yellow Comet.  
  
Grit: Ah.  
  
Now lets go over to Green Earth were we found out that Max and the Green Earth COs weren't killed by playing an invigorating game of "Toss the H- bomb"-  
  
Lawyer: VIOLATION! Time to go to court!  
  
Mike: How did you get out?!  
  
Lawyer: He got me out *points at andy*  
  
Andy: erm.. Hehe  
  
Tom: Well we can fix that! *pulls out the story* *The lawyer and Andy both disappear*  
  
Mike: There! Let's now see green earth  
  
Max: That was mildly amusing.  
  
Eagle: Being dead isn't all that fun, it gets boring after a while  
  
Jess: What should we do now?  
  
Drake: TWIST--  
  
Everyone else: NO!  
  
Drake: Damn  
  
Max: What should we do?  
  
Eagle: I dunno..  
  
Max: I know! Let's go fly a kite!  
  
Eagle: Okay!  
  
Jess and Drake: NO!  
  
Eagle: Why?  
  
Jess and Drake: Because our air units suck!  
  
Max: So? We can go swimming afterwards  
  
Drake: Okay!  
  
Jess and Eagle: NOOOO!!!!  
  
Drake: Why?  
  
Jess and Eagle: Because our naval units suck!  
  
Drake: So what should we do?  
  
Max: How about we go to Orange Star and find something to do?  
  
Jess, Eagle and Drake: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!  
  
Max: what now?  
  
Jess: Oh that was for fun. . .  
  
Eagle: Since we like whining  
  
Mike: I am bored  
  
Jess: //(O_o)\\ How did you get here?  
  
Mike: I'm a writer  
  
Jess: Oh.  
  
Max: And you're lazy!  
  
Mike: *takes out pencil and paper* Want to reconsider that?  
  
Max: NO!  
  
Mike: Okay, you asked for it. . .  
  
Max grows long hair, forms a more feminine body, has lipstick on and is wearing a dress  
  
Jess: you go girl!  
  
Max: Hey! Change me back!  
  
Mike: what do you say?  
  
Max: Please change me back?  
  
Mike: NO YOU IDIOT! YOU SAY YOU ARE SORRY AND SAY I AM SUPERIOR AND THEN ASK TO BE CHANGED BACK!  
  
Max: I am sorry, you are better then me and could you please change me back?  
  
Mike: No! HAHA *disappears*  
  
Max: Aww man! We might as well just head over to Orange Star.  
  
Now at Black Hole, Sturm just completed his special device. . .  
  
Sturm: BWAHAHAHAHA! Lash has just completed the device needed to blow up the entire world so now I can threaten them to give me the world for $99.99!  
  
Flak & Hawke: *slowly getting louder* WHEEEEEE! *crash into device*  
  
Sturm: NOOOOO!!!!!! NOW I CAN'T RULE THE WORLD FOR ONLY $99.99!!!!  
  
Lash: Oh well, that was a bit stupid anyway. Why wouldn't you just rule the world for free if that thing worked?  
  
Sturm: DON'T QUESTION MY GENIUS!!! THAT'S 15 MINITES IN THAT TIME-OUT TANK THAT KANBEI GAVE TO ME FOR MY BIRTHDAY!  
  
Lash: You have a birthday?  
  
Sturm: OF COURSE I DO!! THAT'S 30 MINUTES NOW!  
  
Lash: Aww, man! *climbs in time out tank*  
  
Sonja: You know, it's getting pretty cramped in here!  
  
Sensei: Well we can't get out yet, we still have some time left.  
  
Mike & Tom: O_o o_O  
  
Sonja: How did you get in here and not make this any more cramped, it defies all laws of logic and physics!  
  
Tom: Were the writers, watch our magic powers! *concentrates*  
  
Everyone but Tom and Mike: WOW!  
  
Everyone is on a beach on a tropical island with bathing suits on and with water skis and a bunch of other expensive stuff  
  
Tom: See? *concentrates*  
  
Everyone but Tom and Mike: Aww.  
  
Everyone is back in the time-out tank  
  
Mike: Well, we have chaos to cause, see ya 'Fro Girl, Mr. Funky CO Music, Other One  
  
Sonja: How come I don't get a cool nickname?  
  
Tom: *climbing out* we haven't thought of one yet!  
  
Sonja: How 'bout-- *SLAM the hatch slams shut*  
  
Sonja: I don't like that name.  
  
Tom: *head pops in* THAT'S NOT SOMETHING THAT WAS SAID! IT WAS AN ACTION! *Slams hatch*  
  
Now, finally we go to Yellow Comet where Kanbei is returning from Sturm's birthday party.  
  
Kanbei: *looking in goodie bag* OOOOOoooooo! A chocolatily bar!  
  
YC Soldier: Um, chocolatily is not an actual word.  
  
Kanbei: QUIET! 15 MINUTES IN THE TIMEOUT TANK! Hey wait a minute. . .where is the timeout tank?  
  
YC Soldier: You gave it to Sturm for a birthday present.  
  
Kanbei: Oh yeah. . . I hope he likes his present. Anyways I will not punish you for now. Where is Sonja and Sensei?  
  
YC Soldier: They were still in the tank while you gave it to Sturm.  
  
Kanbei: Sturm secretly kidnapped Sensei and Sonja?!?! That's atrocious! Quick! Ready the army!  
  
YC Soldier: Yes, Sir!  
  
Yellow Comet army goes to Black Hole and annihilates them. Kanbei return with Sonja and Sensei.  
  
Sensei: You know you didn't have to completely destroy Black Hole to get us back. You could've asked Sturm.  
  
Sonja: And besides he's actually not that bad anyways.  
  
Kanbei: I don't care. The entertainment value was still very high.  
  
Sensei: O.o  
  
Sonja: You didn't know my father was a violence obsessive mental nut-case?! Tsk tsk.  
  
Kanbei: Well anyways, know that we have gotten to the end, the authors have finally thought up a name for the chapter  
  
Sensei: But there isn't a name for chapter 1!  
  
Kanbei: That's an exception.  
  
Tom: It is.  
  
Mike: and yes we have thought of a name for this chapter Sonja: what is it?  
  
Tom: Drum roll, please.  
  
Drum roll starts  
  
Tom: The name  
  
Mike: Of the chapter  
  
Tom: Shall be.  
  
(the Screen shuts off)  
  
Mike: It could be a story on paper,  
  
Tom: or an opera. anyways. . .  
  
Sensei: Wow! What a great name!  
  
Kanbei: It sure is  
  
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*  
  
Now to a white backround with only Tom and Mike  
  
Tom: Well I guess since the readers/viewers/opera fans don't know the real name I guess they'll have to refer to it as the Unknown chapter.  
  
Mike: I guess so. Well I guess I have to do the ending questions.  
  
Tom: NO! EVIL!  
  
Mike: Will andy ever get us back for our abuse? Will Colin ever be liked by Tom? Will Max ever become a guy again? Will Sturm ever be able to take over the world for only 99.99$? Will that lawyer ever stop bothering us? And WHAT is with that timeout tank? You'll just have to wait until the next chapter of Advance Snores: RETARD RISING!  
  
Tom: YOU'RE GONNA DIE *raises knife*  
  
-Chapter 3- is finished. Go home now, oh wait, you probably already are. Oh well. 


	4. The Lashitis Epidemic

Chapter 4 ; The Lashitis Epidemic.  
  
Many of you are probably right now thinking "what is lashitis?" and "how does it involve into the story line?" well we have one thing to say to that..  
  
STOP YOUR DAMN WHINEING AND READ TO FIND OUT!  
  
Yes. But first we must recap on the previous chapter. In the previous chapter; Orange star got to know Tom and Mike as they left to make another "visit". Kanbei had just destroyed Black Hole to get Sensei and Sonja back. Colin and Olaf are both in separate hospitals. Max was changed into a girl, as he/she and the Green Earth COs decided to visit Orange star. And YOU the readers/viewers/opera fans did not get to know the title of the last chapter.  
  
Tom: What a great plot! Tehehehehe  
  
Mike: You are starting to act like Lash! You've been infected with Lashitis! HAHA! Toodles! Oh crap..  
  
Tom: HAHA you've been infected too! Tehehehehe  
  
Mike: Well I guess we better go over to Black hole to see what's going on.. TOODLES!  
  
Black Hole  
  
Tom: Tehehe! What's going on?!  
  
Mike: Yeah! And if you don't tell us then it's toodles for you!  
  
Hawke: I don't know, silly! But maybe Lash does.  
  
Tom: DAMN STRAIGHT SHE DOES! WE'RE ALL ACTING LIKE HER SO WHO DO YOU THINK KNOWS?! BUT NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. . . SHE WOULDN'T KNOW ABOUT A DISEASE NAMED AFTER HER!  
  
Hawke: Hey! You stopped acting like her! So did I! YAY!  
  
Mike: This may be a bad time but . . . look in the mirror  
  
Tom: Why *looks* AHHH!!!!!! I'VE GOT A HUGE 'FRO!! YOU TOO!  
  
Mike: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH  
  
Adder: *running and screaming* NOOO!!! MY BEAUTIFUL PERSONA! IT'S. IT'S . . . RUINED *has a emotional breakdown*  
  
Mike: Whoa . . . that afro does look horrible on you.  
  
Tom: And just when we though he couldn't get any worse *sighs*  
  
Flak: What's going on? My helmet fell off because of a bunch of hair *yanks* IT'S STUCK!  
  
Adder: *wailing* ruined. ruined.  
  
Hawke: Shut up! If all you're going to do is blubber then do it in your own room!  
  
Adder: *sniffing* Fine. Toodles!  
  
Tom: AHH! If I hear that one more time I swear.  
  
Lash: Hi! *looks at everyone* WOW! You've all made a great improvement! Nice hair!  
  
Tom and Mike: YOU DIE NOW!!! *both lunge forward and fall over because their hair is too heavy* DAMN IT!  
  
Hawke: Lash, what's happened?  
  
Lash: Silly! If you read the title then you would know I unleashed a biological weapon on the world that makes people act like me and grow a huge afro!  
  
Sturm: Lash you silly girl! You've ruined my intimidating looks! *comes in room*  
  
Everyone but Sturm: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! *gasps* *chokes* *turns blue* *breathes*  
  
Sturm: This isn't funny! Now no one will take me seriously!  
  
Flak: Hey! Let's just cut it off!  
  
Hawke: Good idea! *take out scissors* *cuts hair* There, good as new! *new afro grows in* DAMN IT!  
  
Lash: Tehehe! Nothing can stop this!  
  
Sensei: I forgot my dentures . . .  
  
Everyone else: O_o  
  
Mike: Whoa! Lash . . . did you use the same kind of virus on everyone?  
  
Lash: Yeah . . . but I don't know what did this.  
  
Sensei has half a 'fro and is half bald  
  
Sensei: Ah yes, I remember it like it was yesterday even though it was this morning . . .  
  
View goes all fuzzy  
  
Sensei (in flashback voice): I was eating breakfast with Kanbei and Sonja when it happened . . .  
  
Kanbei: Ooh . . . this silly coffee is too hot!  
  
Hawke (in flashback voice): He dares to insult coffee?! HE SHALL PAY!  
  
Sensei (in flashback voice): Be quiet . . . anyways . . . it happened over breakfast  
  
Sonja: Tehehe, you sound like Lash . . . WAIT! I'm sounding like her too!  
  
Sensei: Don't be silly!  
  
Everyone there suddenly grows a 'fro like Lash  
  
Sonja: Ahh! Father! Your . . . your hair!  
  
Kanbei: You too my daughter! Tehehehe . . .  
  
Sensei: What about me? *hair falls out and grows back a lot*  
  
Kanbei: HE'S A WITCH!! BURN HIM!!  
  
Sonja: No silly father . . . his baldness and whatever is causing the hair growth is conflicting with each other! That's why he looks so ugly!  
  
Sensei: * kung fu voice* HOYO------ HI YAH!!!!! * punches Sonja through the wall*  
  
Sensei: There  
  
Kanbei: WHAT DID YOU DO, SILLY!?!?!?!?!? PUNISHMENT!!!!!! *takes Sensei and stuffs him in the spare time-out tank*  
  
Sonja: Oooohhhh *groans* my ribs . . .  
  
Kanbei: NO WHINING!!!!! PUNISHMENT!!!! *takes Sonja and stuffs her in the spare time-out tank*  
  
Cuts back to present  
  
Adder: How *sob* did you get out? *sob*  
  
Tom: He used your ugly face.  
  
Adder: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANHHH *cries and runs away*  
  
Tom: Wow that worked better then I expected, but Sensei how did you get out?  
  
Sensei: I used Adder's ugly face!  
  
Everyone but Sensei: O.o  
  
Sensei: No seriously . . .  
  
Everything fuzzes back into "flash-back mode"  
  
Sensei: Good thing I have this HANDY DANDY picture of Adder's ugly face! Sonja, shield your eyes . . . *points picture at tank wall and a large hole is melted*  
  
Sonja: Amazing!  
  
Sensei: Uh-Oh I forgot my dentures, be right back! *climbs out of hole and walks over to Black Hole  
  
Everything fuzzes back to present time  
  
Sensei: And that is how a framed picture of Adder doesn't necessarily mean you have a twisted sense of beauty  
  
Mike: I thought the point of that story was to explain how you got here!  
  
Sensei: That too . . .  
  
Hawke: Well now I wanna know how to get rid of this 'fro!  
  
Everyone looks at Lash  
  
Lash: Tehehe! You'll never get the antidote like that sillies! Besides, the time is up for this section!  
  
Sturm: Why?!  
  
Mike: 'Cause we feel like it and we write Black Hole all the time! You're all at our will if you're in Black Hole! BWAHAHAHAHAHA!! *chokes* *pulls out bucket* *barfs* *passes out in puddle of puke*  
  
Tom: Right . . . well, this is his show right now but he's not really ready to continue yet so I think I'll take you to blue moon until he wakes up.  
  
Now at Blue moon, Colin is recovering from being hit by a car and Olaf is recovering from internal bleeding . . .  
  
Colin: Why, oh why! Why does it have to be me!  
  
Tom: I think we have addressed this issue before. I HATE YOU  
  
Colin: I . . . know . . .  
  
Grit: Good news Colin! You can leave now!  
  
Colin: YAHOO!!!! Finally *walks out side* Ahhhhh it's good to have a good wiff of fresh air.  
  
Grit: Here, have this *gives him a taco*  
  
Colin: *takes a bite then spits it out* EWWWWW what is this made of? Plastic?  
  
Grit: *shifty eyes* No, of . . . course . . . not . . .  
  
Colin Well what ever it-  
  
* SMASH*  
  
Colin goes flying into a wall as he is hit by another car  
  
Tom: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH  
  
Grit: Why are you doing this?  
  
A bullet-time fight starts  
  
Tom runs quickly up to Grit and flicks Grit's forehead. Grit is knocked over and lands 10 meters away  
  
Bullet-time fight ends  
  
Grit: Ow.  
  
Tom: Toodles! . . . DAMN!!!!!! Tehehehehehehehehehehehhehehehheehehhhehehehehehehehehehee . . .hehehehheh..he *runs out of breath* *turns blue* *faints and has a seizure* *seizure stops and he stays in a coma* *wakes up from the coma* *catches breath* THIS IS SO DUMB *disappears*  
  
Other Blue Moon hospital  
  
Doctor: Ok Olaf, you are fine and won't die until after the story is finished  
  
Olaf: Untill after?!?!?!  
  
Doctor: Yes, you will be suffering from internal bleeding until this story is complete.  
  
Olaf: Why?  
  
Doctor: Because the authors need you as a character and they can't afford to lose any characters, but after the story is done, it won't matter.  
  
Olaf: You are by far the worst doctor I have ever known.  
  
Doctor: If by worst doctor you mean the doctor who charges the most insanely large amounts of money, then you are ABSOLUTELY CORRECT!!!!! YOU WIN A MILLION DOLLARS!  
  
Olaf: COOL!  
  
Doctor: Too bad you have to pay me back that 1 million dollars to pay for the medical services you have just received. What horrible luck!  
  
Olaf: *hands over money* Your telling me . . .  
  
Olaf walks over to where Colin and Grit lay motionless on the ground.  
  
Olaf: Uh, hi guys!  
  
Grit: *Bolts up* We have to stop the unfair inequality!  
  
Olaf: What are you talking about?  
  
Grit: Not to long ago Tom completely wasted me by flicking me in the forehead!  
  
Olaf: HAHA you are such a wuss!  
  
Grit punches Olaf in the gut again  
  
Olaf: Owwwwww  
  
Grit: Where was I? Oh yes we have to stop the inequality!  
  
Colin: *talks faintly* uh . . .guys . . .  
  
Grit: *Not noticing Colin* We have to stand up for ourselves! We can't just be pushed around like this!  
  
Colin: help . . .  
  
Grit: *still paying no attention* I will FIGHT for our rights! I will not give up!  
  
Patriotic music plays in the back round and slowly gets louder  
  
Colin: I . . . am . . . dying . . .  
  
Grit: *Still ignoring Colin* I will protect the Blue Moon rights and help stop the evil threat!  
  
Music still getting louder  
  
Colin: I think . . . my appendix just . . . burst  
  
Grit: *STILL ignoring Colin* My name is Grit! And I want you! *points at near by mother with three children*  
  
Mother: Run along kids, don't look at the crazy man.  
  
Kid #1: Mommy, he's scary!  
  
Kid #2: Is he possessed?  
  
Mother: Of course not dear, he's just . . . special . . .  
  
Kid #3: He smells funny  
  
Mother: Quick children, let's go . . .  
  
The family walks away  
  
Grit: That didn't go as smoothly as I thought *finally noticing Colin* quick let's get you to the hospital!  
  
Grit takes Colin to the hospital and they leave Olaf moaning on the ground  
  
I think it's a good time that we go visit Orange St--  
  
Eagle: HEY! WHAT HAPPENED TO US?!  
  
Tom: You're going to Orange Star . . .  
  
Jess: SO?! WE WANT OUR SECTION!  
  
Mike: Okay, okay . . .  
  
Max: And aren't you supposed to be passed out in a puddle of puke?  
  
Mike: I woke up and using my *voice deepens* UBER POWERS OF THE WRITER *normal voice* I can do whatever I want  
  
Green Earth  
  
Eagle: Hey, we're landing in Orange Star now!  
  
Orange Star  
  
Jess: That was kinda pointless . . .  
  
Eagle: It doesn't matter if we get our daily wage!  
  
Mike: You would have gotten it already!  
  
Jess: Hey, have you realized that nobody has said anything about our huge 'fros?  
  
Tom: That was covered in the Black Hole section  
  
Eagle: Really?  
  
Tom: No.  
  
Eagle: Really?  
  
Tom: No.  
  
Eagle: Really?  
  
Tom: Yes.  
  
Eagle: Drake, why are you so quiet?  
  
Drake: *smothered in his 'fro* Mmphmph!  
  
Jess: Okay . . . he says pour milk on his head!  
  
Jess pours milk on his head  
  
Drake: *still smothered* MMMMMMMPH!!! MMMMMMMPH!!  
  
Jess: Whatever . . .  
  
Tom: Uh, I am bored, let's play PING-PONG  
  
Sami: Okey dokey!  
  
Tom gets his butt majorly whooped by Sami in ping-pong  
  
Sami: I win!  
  
Tom: Not so fast! *Tom wins*  
  
Sami: How did you do that?  
  
Tom: I won using my *voice deepens* UBER POWERS OF THE WRITER *normal voice* and you suck at ping-pong anyways . . .  
  
Nell: Why are you talking like that?  
  
Andy: *driving some huge tank* because he's handy dandy like candy named Andy with a rubber bandy!  
  
Mike: Buh? What was that? Oh, well I have to go now . . . *disappears*  
  
Tom: Me too *disappears*  
  
Andy: Aww, man! I wanted revenge!  
  
Mike: *distant voice* I heard that!  
  
Nell: *spots Max* why are you dressed like a girl Max?  
  
Max: Umm . . . it was . . . uh . . . I . . . think . . . I left the... microwave . . . on.. in the . . . helicopter . . . I have to go now . . .  
  
Andy: Duh?  
  
Sami: Eh?  
  
Eagle: Whuzza wha?  
  
Jess: Hunh?  
  
Nell: Wha?  
  
Drake: Mmph?  
  
Author from a different story: What was the point of that?  
  
Jess: What are you doing here?  
  
Author: I felt like it. I have *voice deepens* UBER POW--  
  
Everyone else: WE KNOW!!  
  
Author: This is no fun, I can't even beat a joke to death, I'm gone! *disappears*  
  
-~~~~ZORP~~~~-  
  
White background  
  
Tom: I guess this chapter is kinda over.  
  
Mike: Yeah . . .  
  
Member from the audience: HEY!!!!! YOU DIDN'T RESOLVE THE LASHITIS INCIDENT!!!!!  
  
Tom: Well if you were smart and had any brains, you would see that our afros are gone.  
  
Member from the audience: BUT YOU DIDN'T EXPLAIN HOW YOU GOT RID OF THEM!!!!!!!  
  
Mike: Well I guess you could say...  
  
Tom: That we used . . .  
  
Everyone from Advanced Snores: *All voices deepen* SOME UBER POWERS OF THE WRITERS!  
  
Mike: *Hommie M rapper voice* So SHUT YO SUCKA FOO MOUTH!!!!!!!  
  
Tom: *normal voice* Oh and we would also like to announce our faction names that we will be creating since we don't want to join Orange Star or Black Hole because they are absolute retards! These will be used in future chapters and may help certain confused minds!  
  
Sturm: You mean you won't join Black Hole?  
  
Nell: Or Orange Star?  
  
Tom: Yes, now drum roll please!  
  
Drum roll starts  
  
Mike: MY faction will be called . . . WHITE NOVA  
  
Crowd cheers  
  
Tom: MY faction will be called . . . RED PLASMA  
  
Crowd cheers even louder  
  
Mike: So I guess it's time for--  
  
Tom: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ooooooooooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Mike: THE ENDING QUESTIONS!!!!!!!! Will Lash ever stop wrecking havoc on the world? What will White Nova and Red Plasma be like? Will Yellow comet get a larger part next time? Will Yellow Comet even get a part next time? And finally how do Uber powers of the writer work? Find out next time on ADVANCE SNORES: RETARD RISING!  
  
Tom:*shotgun materializes out of no-where and lands in Tom's hands* DIE  
  
The following scene of explicit gore is sensored, due to the fact that this story is PG-13 and if the following scene was shown, you would all piss your pants and be scarred for life.  
  
Have a nice day! 


	5. Sorry!

OFFICIAL AUTHOR'S ANNOUNCEMENT

Sorry about the wait for an update and giving you this crap. We are having computer troubles but we will have them fixed soon. Sorry again. And for all, whom it may apply, thank you for not writing stupid reviews.


End file.
